he held my hand all night
from a cot
below my hospital bed
it took 15 hours

and when I thought I could
push no more
I looked up to see
a nurse in white
turn on the baby warmer
you were about to come

it was by far
the happiest moment of my life
the first time I saw your tiny
blue eyes and lashes
I fell in love

somehow you seemed
a bit disappointed
to see me

I vowed to be there for you
and love you so
like I was never loved

sometimes I think I failed
preoccupied with faux dharma
and electronic virtue signaling
distractions of no meaning

oh how the sunlight from the
summer lake reflects in your eyes!

you say that you are ugly
and hardly even want to stay

I lost consciousness by the grief

they say be careful
if you have a child
it’s as if your heart
has grown legs
that walk around
outside of you

you are bright and strong
you never once told me
that you suffered

oftentimes I’d be sad in this life
and hold you tighter than
was right

and you’d have to be there for me

I’m so sorry for my flaws

but please know
I love you so
I’ve done my very best
and could have done better

those jerks of
compassionless piety
often stole away
my attention
my very life

when it is you
-all children-
who’s very lives themselves
are the real dharma

you are my path
your well-being and future
is my rainbow of attainment

oh daughter
I love you so
beyond any word

please thrive and relish
each short moment of
broken bliss

you are my Yidam
the mandala I visualize
is a healthy green planet of purity
filled with lilac and lily flowers
laughter and song

may I protect all children
from samsara’s hurting
harsh ways

you hold my light
and all that will

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