Divine Discontent ~

Winter falls upon us
So spring can bring new growth.
Cry the tears!
Allow the longing!
Sadness brings surrender
and a deep desire to be free.
– Rumi

“I know your heart! I hear it breaking and groaning in darkest night when you imagine yourself to be silently case adrift in sleep. It speaks to me, that sacred heart of yours, whispering its longing and bemoaning its divine discontent. It knows when something is amiss! It senses that something is not quite right as yet – there is a piece of the puzzle missing.

Even in its tremendous gratitude for all that is – and there is much gratitude and sweet appreciation in that precious heart of yours – there is a murmuring, a questing. It cries out to heaven. Vouchsafe me a blessing! I cannot go on! I am broken and in need of your tenderness for healing! I am empty and in need of filling, not with stuff and bits but with the most precious nectar of divine fulfillment! Nothing else will satisfy me. Please, please restore me to wholeness! I can bear this missing piece, this broken disarray, no longer! I listen and I cajole that wise heart of yours. I praise it for its honesty and longing, for the longing is an irresistible perfume to the beloved, attracting the only salve that will soothe the divine discontent of your truth-speaking heart – that of divine presence, absolute and unquestionable.

There is a sense within you – perhaps quite obvious to your conscious mind, or perhaps only dimly registered as an unnameable underlying sense of anxiety – that something in your life is not quite right. It may be the sense – even amongst so much gratitude – of a yearning yet to be met, a longing yet to be fulfilled and satisfied.

This is the pain of the awakening heart. That heart is capable of bliss and ecstatic reverence for the sheer beauty and wonder of creation. Yet, as the heart matures, there will be a process of deep passionate longing that awakens for the Divine. It is the impatience for the caress of the great lover, for the presence of the Divine to come to you. Over time, that longing will grow from a mild inner sense of incompleteness, needing to become whole. It will develop into a holy fever, a sacred rage, a stamping of dancing feet, a pounding of fists upon the alter, and a longing so deep and distressing that one may well break into tears at the impossibility of bearing the pain of apparent separation for even a moment longer.

“Where is my beloved?” cries the awakening heart. “I call for my beloved and yet I am here, still waiting!”. As devotion grows and passion for the Divine intensifies, so too does this yearning. I can stand this no longer!”

As devotion grows and passion for the Divine intensifies, so too does this yearning, so much so that this may come to feel as through your heart is breaking for the Divine. Or perhaps you are not quite there yet. Your heart is attached to smaller gods such as your status, your job, your lover, your body looking a certain way, or being able to live your life in a particular way. These smaller gods are not necessarily an issue, yet you have drawn this oracle so it is guidance for you that the Divine wants to draw you closer. Sometimes that means we will have the meagre meal wrested from our hand so we may feast upon something far more delectable and grand.

The Divine is a fiercely possessive lover. If there is a face of another beloved preventing you from longing for the divine embrace, and if you cannot see that in the Divine Beloved within your lover that you are loving, well then, something will be done by heaven!

So make your relationships sacrosanct. Seek the Divine in all things. When you cannot, when the power of lesser gods has you in its grip, acknowledge it. Bear witness to it. Do not chastise; instead, be truthful. Let your heart break and lie prostrate on the floor hands clutching and head bowed as though only your sadness and plight could stir the heart of the Divine Beloved into descent of succour and grace, saving you from a life far too bland for your exquisite epicurean palette.

Just don’t misinterpret the pain and think that something really is wrong! If you are surrounded by status and money and cannot understand why you should mourn, it is even more important that you allow yourself to do so! Mourning is to be felt; understanding is not so relevant!

But if you must seek understanding, then know this, dear blazing angel: you are just waking from the deepest slumber and with your awakening heart you are realising a truth. A part of you – deeper and wider, vaster and more instinctive, truthful and intelligent that your mind – is lonely for the divine embrace. This is right. This is sensible. This is sanity.

It is the pain, the real noble pain of the heart, that says, “There is something more than this inadequacy, this settling for plastic instead of precious gemstones, that must end now. I cannot be fed by pixilated sunsets in animation upon my computer screen. I yearn to be blasted by so much radiance and beauty, by the real thing, that I become stupefied! I must witness so much divine splendour that all I can utter is some the incoherent grunt, my mind dissembled and my heart ignited by the presence of my beloved. I want to become a fumbling ecstatic wreck in the presence of my beloved. I want to allow this pain, this yearning, this divine discontent to guide me to my holy lover so my life may never be the same again!

And so it shall be. The discontent Divine growing within you is the beginning, not the destiny. Its purpose is to lead you into your greatest connection yet with divinity. Do not resist it. Witness it! Do not dismiss it, trying to cover up its smell with rose petals. Let your rank discontent be the pathway to divinity. Look beyond what is, what has been prized and treasured, and is now found to be plated and not the precious gold it was once esteemed to be.

Don’t be scared, for you are my sidekick on this great holy adventure! I am here, you see, just around the corner. I have you in my sights though you may not see me yet. I am holding a loaf of fresh bread, hot from the kitchen of the Creator, hoping to entice you with its wafting scent, tempting you to follow me on towards something of far more substance. If you are still stuck on pine-scented air freshener, imagining it is anything akin to the wild scent of the pine forests for real, then how can I tempt you? Let the stench be the stench, then the fragrance of God can be discerned; and together, we can leave what is less behind, one and for all, grabbing, like hungry children, for the divine bread with sweet fresh scent filling the air.”

Alana Fairchild

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