amy carlson

Trigger Warning- Cults

I heard rumor that you
wanted to go to the hospital
but your devotees
did not allow you to.

After you passed away,
they had so much faith
that they thought
your corpse would ascend,
yet never did.

Who is to blame?

The professions of
self exalted divinity
from a woman cursed
with severe and profound,
untreated mental illness?

Or the confusion
of her drugged,
devoted and
so hopeful believers?

They watched you drink
and swear yourself
to death in His name.

How very sad,
people with narcissism,
sadism or psychopathology
or just alcoholism
who lead
or are members of
so very many
spiritual groups,
that on the outside,
can look benign,
even benevolent.

Look under the hood
and you see
people and children hurt,
yes there is always some
divine justification.

One of my very own teachers
who I followed,
prayed to and funded
was a drunk behind the scenes,
he bit and hit his students
and forced them to
strip and dance nakedly
while they cried in protest.
I am complicit.

Who I am to judge
you or your followers
with righteous decry?

No one is impervious to the
dark side of religion, cults
especially people like me with hope,
seekers, we are vulnerable.

I can’t blame her or her followers,
as I too had a similar past.

Deifying people and
spiritualizing mental illness
and crimes against
humanity and children
must cease.

I pray to you Amy
God as we all are
that we learn from your loss.

We could have gotten you
the help you needed,
we all could hear the cries.

I’m sorry your life was so short.
I’m sorry we did not help you.
I’m sorry for the complicit and
broken hearts and
minds of your followers.

All we can hope to do now
is to wake up,
a martyr on the cross of
mental health awareness.

Yes, in heart you are indeed God
but you were sick
just sick, that’s all.

Let us never again ever
use spirituality
as a tool for harm~

even one more day.

Amy Carlson, the founder of Love Has Won, lived in my hometown, a spiritualist community in Colorado. The pain touches any of us who were involved with “guru” or leader based, high-demand groups or religions. If you belong to this Crestone Group, we are processing this online:

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