what do we leave?

people will
remember your smile
many lives
the gentle embers
of warmth
from your heart
to ours

may the last imprint
of my time here
be one of similar
beauty and grace
we all do our best

love and loss
joy and anguish
may those
that hate me so
be appeased

a preference-less mirror
for what you see
and hate
in yourself

i may have
been too bold
too forthright
fierce fire love

but i was
always authentic
brutally so

but please know
that i was never
separated from
insisting on integrity
and ethics
and protecting the

my heart
i could feel
span our globe
leave no tiny
shadow corner
dark verses light

my religion…
my refuge
it was always


for C.D. we will miss your healing spirit here. Only 59, only 8 short years older than me, your funeral pyre today from space to space, farewell, we will remember your love.

Photo by moein moradi from Pexels

sunkissed light for christine

i just found out
that a close
dharma sister passed
last night

she lived with me
in my remote holy
retreat town
a lovely healer
only in her 50’s

oh dear
clear water
blue eyes
sun-kissed smile

my heart so full
breaks every day
here in the
poignant kaliyuga

what brevity
our time here
let mine never
be squandered

may i create
a life that is

and had

and let
no obstacle
sway me
from revealing
my heart’s
deepest truths

oh new year
iron ox bold muscle
protect and carry
me into
the bliss
of light’s unhindered
rays of creation


for my vajra sister christine dupre, crestone colorado, who’s all too short life ended on the evening of Feb 10, 2021

the last thing you sayPhoto by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

“The only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

On the Road

Author: Jack Kerouac


Meet me in the
realm of truth,
the vastness of
the shaman.

The stars and sky
of manifestation
in-between nihilism
and religion’s false
promise of some
continuity of the self.

We awaken from the
opiate of the masses.

In our raw,
we take nothing
for granted
we make every
single precious
passing moment

Crafting compassion,
a legacy of
having helped
and all harm
healed and corrected.

We no longer offer
our very living spirit
to paltry
electronic addiction.

We awaken from the
opiate of the masses.

It’s time to live now

A fleeting life
of warm color and
dense light body


Photo by Alex Andrews from Pexels

mother and daughter

“As soon as you  press the switch to turn on the light in the room that has been dark for ten thousand years, in that instant all the darkness is gone. Ten thousand years of darkness is dispelled in one moment.”

-Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche

it’s so very hard
to look honestly
at the shadow parts
of ourselves

that we ignore
what looms silent
in our deep past

it’s easier to turn
to see our faults
in the face of another
we are absolved
through blame

this deflecting
attempt to
heal oneself
is an opiation
a mock savior
of one’s futile

the light must turn
ON from within,
is the heart

child grief
until all tears
are held

wrapping arms
inner beloved
so small
who was
never before seen
and then…

the path
has for once


Photo of mother and daughter in the sun by Daria Obymaha from Pexels

Real strength comes
not from trying to run
cower, or control our world
with it’s perceived
rough edges and barbs

but rather like a mirror
open, feeling, vulnerable
not rejecting or chasing
but reflecting what is.

All is included in the path
we don’t parse out good and evil
friend or foe
spiritual vs. worldly.

We no longer reject phenomena
in order to make spiritual progress
we see rather
all that arises as workable
an expression of basic purity.

We are willing to
fully experience
and feel our heart
our world
our heartbreak.

Even devastation~
who is there to injure?

True, brave, fearlessness
with nothing blocked
is ultimate
brilliant colored
diamond-like strength.

At a certain stage
later in life
you just want someone
who feels like home

to see who you are
to dig your trite beat poems
and your impassioned politics
your mind
and your heart

just as it is
just as you are
just as they are

what a rare gift to be
finally seen
for once,
before it’s over!

Nothing needed to
be altered

and to see the very
same in them

defines love

it may not be safe
it may be holy impractical

both sacred and profane
fucked up and familial
beyond any trace pretense.

Can one know
a love
could we dare
to be loved
just for who we are?

This to me
now in value,
exceeds and
divine promise.

Image Courtesy of Seiji Mamiya https://www.boredpanda.com/japanese-photographer-takes-beautiful-sun-kissed-photos-of-cats

I sought solace in you
from a barbarian family
you assured refuge
and a warm white blanket of trust

and it has been revealed
that you just wanted to sleep with me
callously for your pleasure
extract my devotion
money and very identity
a lifetime of indentured servitude

you mandated that I put you above all
wrapping me in a haughty cocoon of
white and red ragged cotton cloth
I bowed and begged for your
love and absolution

and I watched your glistening gem gold brocade
hollow words of compassion made me quiver
your awe full display with trumpet and drum
but what was birthed was
only arrogance and thoughts of
spiritual superiority

I wanted nothing more than you
I was addicted and I imbibed you
thirstily as my intoxicant
I voluntarily branded myself
genuflecting groveling on the floor
at your mud flower feet

but you never cared
you hurt women, children, men and boys
and turned a blind eye to abuse
heartless peacock plumage
narcissistic colorful black hole radiance
you’d use us for whatever you could gain

and when spent or confronted
we were discarded
ghosted silenced slandered
excommunicated from your faux
mandala of thankless

and you were audacious enough
to threaten hell or a
defamation suit
if I ever exposed you
or spoke these very words

and I now proclaim my strength
my real life
that is NOT defined by you
nor your arcane religious tenets
not one more day

I am now free
and can truly, deeply love
despite your profound betrayal
my curved knife severs the cord of dependence
to that which can only take from me

today I birth myself
bravely into a new life
alone but finally healed
and yes
and indeed
holy in love.

Dedicated to my true dharma family, authentically benevolent teachers and friends, so very brave enough to expose those who used our precious tradition to harm and exploit others. Thank you for your voice in this overdue evolution. May we all finally have the tools to turn away from what got culturally appropriated as false dharma and now, with new, fresh eyes and heart, look inward and see the silent power of our truly awakened state.

© 2020 Dawn Boiani Permission to repost, republish and crosspost unaltered in full with colophon, with this attribution.

Image of Simhamukha courtesy of: chinabuddhismencyclopedia

you don’t have to be wealthy
know every mudra and mantra
nor current event
nor elucidate many
sonnets from Blake and Keats
or even Sartre

you don’t even have to be kind
nor even sane for that matter
all that I desire now
left in this world
is when I speak
is for you to
know me

and if I write a poem
my rawest core
you can feel it
and can touch the depth
of both loss and joy
without filter
and you still know well
how to

petals of pinecones
opened by thunder struck
forest fire ending of time

seed in center of tongue
spits blessings
dense brocade in space
crafts nebulas to noses eternally
no origin point

a pineapple dries itself
in the desert
his cheek on mine
no more bosom center block

i can i know one day
pecha paper tearing in corner
on it’s way again to oscillating light
never left her
no element
i can almost press my finger through it

oh love oh love
now no one sees clearly
ghost in an empty
home frightens nobody

faux madness bears ultimate upaya sanity
yes love, impartial chest burst

turtle’s hard protective shell cracked
soft belly upside down
no thing more to hide from her
she is too
soft and so very gentle

an opalescent seashell to the ear
drowns into the roar
of deep inner tinnitus
the 100 peaceful and wrathful
chorus resounds

i accept the nature of blinding
friends and lover Buddhas all
vacuity behind the eyes
i revere all non-arising

if we listen inside
to the Tao’s wholesome truth
we can no longer support nor uphold
of the architectural tenets
of faux religion or thought
that still maintain a profoundly
dark, rotting dystopian underbelly
of hurting others
lest we continue in complicity

the dry soil must be overturned
fertilized with transparent light
genuine golden heart rays of warmth
and voices in harmony
cultivating the womb of revolution
for the rich wet earth to
once again bear fruit
and forgotten

our birthright of bliss
I reverently supplicate
exhausts all obstacles

my blonde daughter’s pale white cheek
the morning snowflakes melt in her hair
so few years with us,
she anticipates a rare
snow day with joy

green blue planet
goes silent
will we become
to space
a mere memory
of what once was

remembered by
no one
metal satellite waste in orbit
circles eternally
a voyager time capsule
a testament to us
having once been here
now silent

earth dry crusted sand
she’s gone
why didn’t I try anything to stop it
our ability to destroy all in
6 hours or a slow suffocating
carbon cloud moving coup d’état

power that exceeds us evolving
past our base volatility
we can feel in our marrow,
the quiet echo of our end

but somewhere right now
there is hope
that we can change
the trajectory of our fate
and as long as there is
one green blade of grass alive

there is hope
and I for one
believe in the possibility of our reason
and conscience
and will with almost every utterance

call out
the closed covert cruelty

anywhere, everywhere

that does not represent
the best within us

and disrupt our momentum toward destruction
it now starts with electronic words of light
one text, tweet, email or blog post to another
thoughts shoot all around the world in less than a

modern warfare, modern peace

with influence
we can change
and evolve and grow
with genuine love
and seeing what is
our commonality

our wisdom
is stronger than our hate
I will not as a coward
veil my love in fear
and wait to die
even if I’m not liked
and in the USA, even shot

I will protest at the very center’s gilded Capitols
to each utterance of influence
in every facet of religion,
politics and every secular corner
until we relearn, reignite
the root of human warmth
it’s not negotiable~
for her

with my last exhalation
whenever or wherever that may be
whatever is within me
it will be love.


New Love, elation, hope
You see the face of the beloved in your partner
Everyone and everything seems pure
brighter, more sensuous and alive
your being
body, speech and mind
are wide open
warmth radiates~

but it happens very quickly, undetectably, insidiously
at first subtle and then overt…
that you will lose them
that which inspired you to feel that way~
and attachment ensues.

What you have done is projected all
of the openness that self exists within you
your natural state
onto the face of your lover
and then you have no choice but to feel
fearful, depleted and afraid.

What is the mistake?
ok here it is…
When we fall in love
there is nothing at all that magically enters us
and makes us feel this chemical high
openness and union
the person is merely a prop, a projection
we did it all within ourselves~

and if that’s that case,
It’s logical to surmise that that feeling of being in love
can occur within us
and not be dependent on any gross external stimuli.

In Tantra, we secretly talk about bliss
and subtle life force essences.

Our natural state of our mind, heart and subtle
channels is: open, warm, blissful
It gets covered by thought, speed and years of patterning.
This reconnection is what we long for
the basis of being in love
the basis of
Guru Devotion,
the impetus of the entire
spiritual path.

When we project that which is occurring within us
onto another
our subtle life force energy of bliss
becomes diminished
and we feel “love sick”~
The songs of countless troubadours,
wars fought and lives lost~
all for love.

We make a mistake.
Nothing came into us
Being in love is not dependent
on the object of inspiration
it is self existing within us
our natural state,
not a chemical alteration.

How to liberate?
Reel in the projection
Correct the misperception.
Know that we already are
capable of feeling joy
and union and bliss
just alone~
Never make the mistake of ascribing our warmth
to another again.

If we forget, just take a long, deep breath
of space and
let it fill us up
that’s all we need.

Love all beings
and every moment
from there,
no need for cyber Likes,
confirmation or even a
gross lover
we are already and have always
been in union.

Completely feel what we have temporally forgotten~
all longing subsides.
You are not the reason why I feel in love
you cannot increase or decrease my warmth
it’s all happening inside of me
just me
and no less than,
the whole universe. <3

pale patch of rainbow
peers out from storm clouds

there is never hope
since all will fade~

but there are
moments of


I eat dhal-bhat
in silence
and shocked
by how sweet
a little cut carrot
really is
and the swirl
of red hot sauce
mixed with yogurt
blended delightfully
on a bright
yellow plate

can only come
when you are
not awake to
the blazing
senses of your

I feel whole
but sometimes
I still ponder…

If I stay
I will soon die

So I must die
to live


Image courtesy of: https://industryeats.com/indian-inspired-kitchari-bowl-recipe/

Unplug me from your life draining media
Let me feel the sun on coconut oiled skin
and the scent of tangerines
Let me breathe all of the pain out of every pore
Let me see the glistening sparkle color world
Let my eyes shine again
Let me feel still and listen to the crows and crickets
Let me feel cool water as is moves past my lips
Let me breathe slowly and deeply
Let me feel the dense palace of the body of light
Let me taste the warm salty miso
The fleeting gifts of the earth and sky
Let this life have meaning
Inside is quiet now
And I’m alive again.

To turn the


into the


Without Her~


cannot manifest.



Staff of the Consort

Images of Guru Rinpoche’s most famous consort, Yeshe Tsogyel, depict her also with a khatvanga.  Hers is topped with a vajra.  Standing for the presence of Padmasambhava, it indicates her inseparability from him.


We are

She longed for
in Him

She briskly wakes me
Every morning at 4:30am
Before the sun,
all seems silent

The mind’s eye sees
the electric
phantasmagoria of

Roaring, tinnitus speaks
a warm soliloquy
mother’s arms of
unending space

ultimately comforting
our true face
the delicious creation of
another illusory day.


photo: Soap Bubbles in sunlight
By: Richard Heeks
https://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/albums/72157607182199900/with/10670268743/

One small apperceptive being
Comes into a life from nothing
From parents generating warmth
two hands take away the cold
so for one moment they do not feel alone

Family gives the illusion of comfort and security
lamenting to conceal the vacuity
taking on more and more work to sustain
so many forms, so much
and at the end, after so many tears and hardship, all is lost-
and the grief is inconsolable

The most compelling force of nature in this world
we can’t possibly hope to shake it
that is where the Sharavakas went wrong
better to take it as the path

working with this each moment
never leaving the mind, almost obsessed
from a sip of sweet tea, with or without milk
up to the fullness of your lips

Drenched in a blaze of
open, open
Open as wide as you can
Fire stoked without exhausting
Alive like a fish
In sun glistened water

all essences join
in the heart
And from there we love
And really care for others
And can work tirelessly
Out of real, palpable devotion to our Vajra Fathers

Drunk with blessings
We have no other occupation
Than to try to help others
No other care in the world
But to help others

No clinging to friend, consort or form
Open, open, open
Until all karmic traces are burned up

Open, outer space
and inner space are united
This is Mahamudra
The secret most subtle sensuous consort
Who truly quenches all thirst
returning back to the Chöjung
in one lifetime

We have never really left.

And in the mountains silence
I can see
As I watch the sun goes down outside
I am alone
But not lonely

A lamp burns within sun outside, sun inside
I have Five parents
Homage and Honor to
the vastness of space, where I see no self
the wind of breath, where feeling sees the dreamlike deities
the warmth of love, where I remember our teachers, and work to help those who have forgotten
water, my blood, an eternal wellspring to drink, Mamaki
and earth, our bones, the glue that binds all relative form.

Let my child be…
The ability to know how to liberate others
Ease their pain
Directly cutting
So we leave this life
in beauty, breathing out bliss.

Written on Solitary Retreat 25 January 2011, Crestone, Colorado

Photo from balcony of retreat house.