Divine Discontent ~

Winter falls upon us
So spring can bring new growth.
Cry the tears!
Allow the longing!
Sadness brings surrender
and a deep desire to be free.
– Rumi

“I know your heart! I hear it breaking and groaning in darkest night when you imagine yourself to be silently case adrift in sleep. It speaks to me, that sacred heart of yours, whispering its longing and bemoaning its divine discontent. It knows when something is amiss! It senses that something is not quite right as yet – there is a piece of the puzzle missing.

Even in its tremendous gratitude for all that is – and there is much gratitude and sweet appreciation in that precious heart of yours – there is a murmuring, a questing. It cries out to heaven. Vouchsafe me a blessing! I cannot go on! I am broken and in need of your tenderness for healing! I am empty and in need of filling, not with stuff and bits but with the most precious nectar of divine fulfillment! Nothing else will satisfy me. Please, please restore me to wholeness! I can bear this missing piece, this broken disarray, no longer! I listen and I cajole that wise heart of yours. I praise it for its honesty and longing, for the longing is an irresistible perfume to the beloved, attracting the only salve that will soothe the divine discontent of your truth-speaking heart – that of divine presence, absolute and unquestionable.

There is a sense within you – perhaps quite obvious to your conscious mind, or perhaps only dimly registered as an unnameable underlying sense of anxiety – that something in your life is not quite right. It may be the sense – even amongst so much gratitude – of a yearning yet to be met, a longing yet to be fulfilled and satisfied.

This is the pain of the awakening heart. That heart is capable of bliss and ecstatic reverence for the sheer beauty and wonder of creation. Yet, as the heart matures, there will be a process of deep passionate longing that awakens for the Divine. It is the impatience for the caress of the great lover, for the presence of the Divine to come to you. Over time, that longing will grow from a mild inner sense of incompleteness, needing to become whole. It will develop into a holy fever, a sacred rage, a stamping of dancing feet, a pounding of fists upon the alter, and a longing so deep and distressing that one may well break into tears at the impossibility of bearing the pain of apparent separation for even a moment longer.

“Where is my beloved?” cries the awakening heart. “I call for my beloved and yet I am here, still waiting!”. As devotion grows and passion for the Divine intensifies, so too does this yearning. I can stand this no longer!”

As devotion grows and passion for the Divine intensifies, so too does this yearning, so much so that this may come to feel as through your heart is breaking for the Divine. Or perhaps you are not quite there yet. Your heart is attached to smaller gods such as your status, your job, your lover, your body looking a certain way, or being able to live your life in a particular way. These smaller gods are not necessarily an issue, yet you have drawn this oracle so it is guidance for you that the Divine wants to draw you closer. Sometimes that means we will have the meagre meal wrested from our hand so we may feast upon something far more delectable and grand.

The Divine is a fiercely possessive lover. If there is a face of another beloved preventing you from longing for the divine embrace, and if you cannot see that in the Divine Beloved within your lover that you are loving, well then, something will be done by heaven!

So make your relationships sacrosanct. Seek the Divine in all things. When you cannot, when the power of lesser gods has you in its grip, acknowledge it. Bear witness to it. Do not chastise; instead, be truthful. Let your heart break and lie prostrate on the floor hands clutching and head bowed as though only your sadness and plight could stir the heart of the Divine Beloved into descent of succour and grace, saving you from a life far too bland for your exquisite epicurean palette.

Just don’t misinterpret the pain and think that something really is wrong! If you are surrounded by status and money and cannot understand why you should mourn, it is even more important that you allow yourself to do so! Mourning is to be felt; understanding is not so relevant!

But if you must seek understanding, then know this, dear blazing angel: you are just waking from the deepest slumber and with your awakening heart you are realising a truth. A part of you – deeper and wider, vaster and more instinctive, truthful and intelligent that your mind – is lonely for the divine embrace. This is right. This is sensible. This is sanity.

It is the pain, the real noble pain of the heart, that says, “There is something more than this inadequacy, this settling for plastic instead of precious gemstones, that must end now. I cannot be fed by pixilated sunsets in animation upon my computer screen. I yearn to be blasted by so much radiance and beauty, by the real thing, that I become stupefied! I must witness so much divine splendour that all I can utter is some the incoherent grunt, my mind dissembled and my heart ignited by the presence of my beloved. I want to become a fumbling ecstatic wreck in the presence of my beloved. I want to allow this pain, this yearning, this divine discontent to guide me to my holy lover so my life may never be the same again!

And so it shall be. The discontent Divine growing within you is the beginning, not the destiny. Its purpose is to lead you into your greatest connection yet with divinity. Do not resist it. Witness it! Do not dismiss it, trying to cover up its smell with rose petals. Let your rank discontent be the pathway to divinity. Look beyond what is, what has been prized and treasured, and is now found to be plated and not the precious gold it was once esteemed to be.

Don’t be scared, for you are my sidekick on this great holy adventure! I am here, you see, just around the corner. I have you in my sights though you may not see me yet. I am holding a loaf of fresh bread, hot from the kitchen of the Creator, hoping to entice you with its wafting scent, tempting you to follow me on towards something of far more substance. If you are still stuck on pine-scented air freshener, imagining it is anything akin to the wild scent of the pine forests for real, then how can I tempt you? Let the stench be the stench, then the fragrance of God can be discerned; and together, we can leave what is less behind, one and for all, grabbing, like hungry children, for the divine bread with sweet fresh scent filling the air.”

Alana Fairchild


Victory Of Maryam

“If you are longing to caress the moon,
Don’t turn away from it!
If you are not ill,
why do you crawl under a blanket to hide?

You are in a quarry of sweets,
why do you look so sour?
You live in the spring of life,
why are you withered inside?

Don’t fight against yourself!
Don’t flee from what could be your glory!

Like a fearless moth,
dive into the flame.
Why be linked to your obsessions?

Burn out in the flames,
until your heart and soul are enlightened.
Get out of the old carcass
and form yourself a new body.

Why are you afraid of a fox
when you descend from lions?
Why be a lame ass
when you have the strength of stallions?

The beloved you seek will arrive
to open the door to your fortune,
for love is the key
that opens all your locks.”



Victory Of Maryam, from the RUMI Oracle Card deck, by Alana Fairchild, Artwork by Rassouli

“We don’t fall in love with people because they’re good people. We fall in love with people whose darkness we recognise. You can fall in love with a person for all of the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. But when you fall in love with a person because your monsters have found a home in them– that’s the kind of love that owns your skin and bones.
Love, I am convinced, is found in the darkness. It is the candle in the night.”
C. JoyBell C.

Tsoknyi Rinpoche on Befriending Ourselves- Beautiful Monsters

Image: Mikilon Diamond Painting

“It said that Nothing Ever Happened, so don’t worry. It’s all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don’t know it because of our thinking-minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity. It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing. It’s a dream already ended. There’s nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about. I know this from staring at mountains months on end. They never show any expression, they are like empty space. Do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away? Mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because it was never born.”

― Jack Kerouac


the person
we are upset with
is the one that simply
holds the mirror
of what in ourselves
we are unwilling
to face

do you then blame
the messenger
for their crime
of offering
an unaltered

Or rather,


Photo by Tobias Aeppli from Pexels



there’s a buttercup
underneath the rain gutter
still open
in a cool moonlight

all that she destroyed
the veils of untruth and harm
it was born from love





image http://www.sharchen.com/product_details.php?sku=HK1&section=Practice%20Materials

If You Are Feeling Sad…

If you are feeling sad, you are not in a ‘low vibration’.
You are not sick or broken or unenlightened or far from healing.
You are not ‘trapped in your ego’ or stuck in the ‘separate self’.
You are not being negative, and you don’t need to be fixed, and sadness is not a mistake, because it’s life moving in you, and life can’t be a mistake, ever.
You are just feeling sad, that’s all.
It’s a feeling state playing out on the vibrantly alive movie screen of presence, that’s all.
It’s not a problem that requires a solution or a band-aid. It’s a sacred and precious part of you longing for love, acceptance, embrace, rest.
You’ve been blessed by sadness today; you’ve been chosen as her home; don’t run away from such a truly precious visitor.
Both Jeff and I are going through really intense and personal things, but so happy to hear his rare, raw, gentle heart voice again. I love you so Jeff, a solace of warmth without pretense, without center~
Photo by Hassan OUAJBIR from Pexels
Mother do you think they’ll drop the bomb ?
Mother do you think they’ll like this song ?
Mother do you think they’ll try to break my balls ?
Ooooh, mother should I build a wall ?
Mother should I run for president ?
Mother should I trust the government ?
Mother will they put me in the firing line ?
Oooh is it just a waste of time ?
Hush now baby, baby don’t you cry
Mama’s gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama’s gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama’s gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won’t let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama will keep baby cosy and warm
Ooooh Babe
Ooooh Babe
Ooooh Babe
Of course Mama’s gonna help build the wall !
Mother do you think she’s good enough
For me?
Mother do you think she’s dangerous
To me?
Mama will they tear little boy apart?
Mother will she break my heart?
Hush now baby, baby don’t you cry
Mama’s gonna check out all your girlfriends for you
Mama won’t let anyone dirty get through
Mama’s gonna wait up untill you get in
Mama will always find out where you’ve been
Mama’s gonna keep baby healthy and clean
Ooooh Babe
Ooooh Babe
Ooooh Babe
You’ll always be a baby to me !
Mother, did it need to be so high ?

the human heart

the strength of mind and
heart to carry on with love
in spite of dangers


“You need the insight into the radical inter-connectivity at the heart of existence, the web of life, our deep ecology. When you have that, then you know that this is not a battle between good guys and bad guys. You know that the line between good and evil runs through the landscape of every human heart.— Joanna Macy


Are there
out there
that hurt
and control
under the
guise of

Are we all
who were
hurt and
see though
their human

Can those
of us who
were deeply
and discarded
each other
rather than
each other

If we seek
within the
same culture
that exalted
these people
how can
healing and
progress ever
take root?

What does true
bravery mean?

What is our
spiritual maturity?

Is it only
and forever
defined as…
“whatever YOU
say I will do?”

What really
has any
in these short
moments on
this brilliant
color and light
planet palette?

Do they
get us all?

Are they


Random reflections on a calm Wednesday evening, the quest for meaning that never ceases. Sometimes one might just rest with the fact that there are no answers… only stories.

Art: https://www.greatbigcanvas.com/category/coulter-cynthia/

“It was not witches who burned.
It was women.
Women who were seen as
Too beautiful
Too outspoken
Had too much water in the well (yes, seriously)
Who had a birthmark
Women who were too skilled with herbal medicine
Too loud
Too quiet
Too much red in her hair
Women who had a strong nature connection
Women who danced
Women who sung
or anything else, really.
Sisters testified and turned on each other when their babies were held under ice.
Children were tortured to confess their experiences with “witches” by being fake executed in ovens.
Women were held under water and if they float, they were guilty and executed.
If they sunk and drowned they were innocent.
Women were thrown off cliffs.
Women were put in deep holes in the ground.
The start of this madness was years of famine, war between religions and lots of fear. The churches said that witches, demons and the devil did exist and women were nothing but trouble. As we see even today, there is often a scapegoat created. Everything connected to a women became feared, especially her sexuality. It became labeled as dark and dangerous and was the core of the witch trials through out the world.
Why do I write this?
Because I think the usage of words are important, especially when we are doing the work to pull these murky, repressed and forgotten about stories to the surface. Because knowing our history is important when we are building the new world. When we are doing the healing work of our lineages and as women. To give the women who were slaughtered a voice, to give them redress and a chance of peace.
It was not witches who burned.
It was women.”


This was posted on Facebook by a few dharma sisters.

This projection of the need for power, control, misogyny and fear that sadly exists in men’s shadow is still alive and well in 2021, worldwide. We have made little progress, but some and with hope, burgeoning. Old cultural habits are hard to break. They still call us “witches, demons, nagas, vow breakers, harmers,” afraid of our heart, love and creative potential. I bow to the dormant strength and power of my sisters, who were never “witches,” who only tried to be authentic, ethical, raw, heal, love and protect themselves and their children. May their heart’s aspirations, someday soon, flourish. #GoddessRising

what do we leave?

people will
remember your smile
many lives
the gentle embers
of warmth
from your heart
to ours

may the last imprint
of my time here
be one of similar
beauty and grace
we all do our best

love and loss
joy and anguish
may those
that hate me so
be appeased

a preference-less mirror
for what you see
and hate
in yourself

i may have
been too bold
too forthright
fierce fire love

but i was
always authentic
brutally so

but please know
that i was never
separated from
insisting on integrity
and ethics
and protecting the

my heart
i could feel
span our globe
leave no tiny
shadow corner
dark verses light

my religion…
my refuge
it was always


for C.D. we will miss your healing spirit here. Only 59, only 8 short years older than me, your funeral pyre today from space to space, farewell, we will remember your love.

Photo by moein moradi from Pexels

sunkissed light for christine

i just found out
that a close
dharma sister passed
last night

she lived with me
in my remote holy
retreat town
a lovely healer
only in her 50’s

oh dear
clear water
blue eyes
sun-kissed smile

my heart so full
breaks every day
here in the
poignant kaliyuga

what brevity
our time here
let mine never
be squandered

may i create
a life that is

and had

and let
no obstacle
sway me
from revealing
my heart’s
deepest truths

oh new year
iron ox bold muscle
protect and carry
me into
the bliss
of light’s unhindered
rays of creation


for my vajra sister christine dupre, crestone colorado, who’s all too short life ended on the evening of Feb 10, 2021

the last thing you sayPhoto by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

“The only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

On the Road

Author: Jack Kerouac


Meet me in the
realm of truth,
the vastness of
the shaman.

The stars and sky
of manifestation
in-between nihilism
and religion’s false
promise of some
continuity of the self.

We awaken from the
opiate of the masses.

In our raw,
we take nothing
for granted
we make every
single precious
passing moment

Crafting compassion,
a legacy of
having helped
and all harm
healed and corrected.

We no longer offer
our very living spirit
to paltry
electronic addiction.

We awaken from the
opiate of the masses.

It’s time to live now

A fleeting life
of warm color and
dense light body


Photo by Alex Andrews from Pexels

mother and daughter

“As soon as you  press the switch to turn on the light in the room that has been dark for ten thousand years, in that instant all the darkness is gone. Ten thousand years of darkness is dispelled in one moment.”

-Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche

it’s so very hard
to look honestly
at the shadow parts
of ourselves

that we ignore
what looms silent
in our deep past

it’s easier to turn
to see our faults
in the face of another
we are absolved
through blame

this deflecting
attempt to
heal oneself
is an opiation
a mock savior
of one’s futile

the light must turn
ON from within,
is the heart

child grief
until all tears
are held

wrapping arms
inner beloved
so small
who was
never before seen
and then…

the path
has for once


Photo of mother and daughter in the sun by Daria Obymaha from Pexels

Real strength comes
not from trying to run
cower, or control our world
with it’s perceived
rough edges and barbs

but rather like a mirror
open, feeling, vulnerable
not rejecting or chasing
but reflecting what is.

All is included in the path
we don’t parse out good and evil
friend or foe
spiritual vs. worldly.

We no longer reject phenomena
in order to make spiritual progress
we see rather
all that arises as workable
an expression of basic purity.

We are willing to
fully experience
and feel our heart
our world
our heartbreak.

Even devastation~
who is there to injure?

True, brave, fearlessness
with nothing blocked
is ultimate
brilliant colored
diamond-like strength.

At a certain stage
later in life
you just want someone
who feels like home

to see who you are
to dig your trite beat poems
and your impassioned politics
your mind
and your heart

just as it is
just as you are
just as they are

what a rare gift to be
finally seen
for once,
before it’s over!

Nothing needed to
be altered

and to see the very
same in them

defines love

it may not be safe
it may be holy impractical

both sacred and profane
fucked up and familial
beyond any trace pretense.

Can one know
a love
could we dare
to be loved
just for who we are?

This to me
now in value,
exceeds and
divine promise.

Image Courtesy of Seiji Mamiya https://www.boredpanda.com/japanese-photographer-takes-beautiful-sun-kissed-photos-of-cats

I sought solace in you
from a barbarian family
you assured refuge
and a warm white blanket of trust

and it has been revealed
that you just wanted to sleep with me
callously for your pleasure
extract my devotion
money and very identity
a lifetime of indentured servitude

you mandated that I put you above all
wrapping me in a haughty cocoon of
white and red ragged cotton cloth
I bowed and begged for your
love and absolution

and I watched your glistening gem gold brocade
hollow words of compassion made me quiver
your awe full display with trumpet and drum
but what was birthed was
only arrogance and thoughts of
spiritual superiority

I wanted nothing more than you
I was addicted and I imbibed you
thirstily as my intoxicant
I voluntarily branded myself
genuflecting groveling on the floor
at your mud flower feet

but you never cared
you hurt women, children, men and boys
and turned a blind eye to abuse
heartless peacock plumage
narcissistic colorful black hole radiance
you’d use us for whatever you could gain

and when spent or confronted
we were discarded
ghosted silenced slandered
excommunicated from your faux
mandala of thankless

and you were audacious enough
to threaten hell or a
defamation suit
if I ever exposed you
or spoke these very words

and I now proclaim my strength
my real life
that is NOT defined by you
nor your arcane religious tenets
not one more day

I am now free
and can truly, deeply love
despite your profound betrayal
my curved knife severs the cord of dependence
to that which can only take from me

today I birth myself
bravely into a new life
alone but finally healed
and yes
and indeed
holy in love.

Dedicated to my true dharma family, authentically benevolent teachers and friends, so very brave enough to expose those who used our precious tradition to harm and exploit others. Thank you for your voice in this overdue evolution. May we all finally have the tools to turn away from what got culturally appropriated as false dharma and now, with new, fresh eyes and heart, look inward and see the silent power of our truly awakened state.

© 2020 Dawn Boiani Permission to repost, republish and crosspost unaltered in full with colophon, with this attribution.

Image of Simhamukha courtesy of: chinabuddhismencyclopedia

you don’t have to be wealthy
know every mudra and mantra
nor current event
nor elucidate many
sonnets from Blake and Keats
or even Sartre

you don’t even have to be kind
nor even sane for that matter
all that I desire now
left in this world
is when I speak
is for you to
know me

and if I write a poem
my rawest core
you can feel it
and can touch the depth
of both loss and joy
without filter
and you still know well
how to

petals of pinecones
opened by thunder struck
forest fire ending of time

seed in center of tongue
spits blessings
dense brocade in space
crafts nebulas to noses eternally
no origin point

a pineapple dries itself
in the desert
his cheek on mine
no more bosom center block

i can i know one day
pecha paper tearing in corner
on it’s way again to oscillating light
never left her
no element
i can almost press my finger through it

oh love oh love
now no one sees clearly
ghost in an empty
home frightens nobody

faux madness bears ultimate upaya sanity
yes love, impartial chest burst

turtle’s hard protective shell cracked
soft belly upside down
no thing more to hide from her
she is too
soft and so very gentle

an opalescent seashell to the ear
drowns into the roar
of deep inner tinnitus
the 100 peaceful and wrathful
chorus resounds

i accept the nature of blinding
friends and lover Buddhas all
vacuity behind the eyes
i revere all non-arising

if we listen inside
to the Tao’s wholesome truth
we can no longer support nor uphold
of the architectural tenets
of faux religion or thought
that still maintain a profoundly
dark, rotting dystopian underbelly
of hurting others
lest we continue in complicity

the dry soil must be overturned
fertilized with transparent light
genuine golden heart rays of warmth
and voices in harmony
cultivating the womb of revolution
for the rich wet earth to
once again bear fruit
and forgotten

our birthright of bliss
I reverently supplicate
exhausts all obstacles

my blonde daughter’s pale white cheek
the morning snowflakes melt in her hair
so few years with us,
she anticipates a rare
snow day with joy

green blue planet
goes silent
will we become
to space
a mere memory
of what once was

remembered by
no one
metal satellite waste in orbit
circles eternally
a voyager time capsule
a testament to us
having once been here
now silent

earth dry crusted sand
she’s gone
why didn’t I try anything to stop it
our ability to destroy all in
6 hours or a slow suffocating
carbon cloud moving coup d’état

power that exceeds us evolving
past our base volatility
we can feel in our marrow,
the quiet echo of our end

but somewhere right now
there is hope
that we can change
the trajectory of our fate
and as long as there is
one green blade of grass alive

there is hope
and I for one
believe in the possibility of our reason
and conscience
and will with almost every utterance

call out
the closed covert cruelty

anywhere, everywhere

that does not represent
the best within us

and disrupt our momentum toward destruction
it now starts with electronic words of light
one text, tweet, email or blog post to another
thoughts shoot all around the world in less than a

modern warfare, modern peace

with influence
we can change
and evolve and grow
with genuine love
and seeing what is
our commonality

our wisdom
is stronger than our hate
I will not as a coward
veil my love in fear
and wait to die
even if I’m not liked
and in the USA, even shot

I will protest at the very center’s gilded Capitols
to each utterance of influence
in every facet of religion,
politics and every secular corner
until we relearn, reignite
the root of human warmth
it’s not negotiable~
for her

with my last exhalation
whenever or wherever that may be
whatever is within me
it will be love.


New Love, elation, hope
You see the face of the beloved in your partner
Everyone and everything seems pure
brighter, more sensuous and alive
your being
body, speech and mind
are wide open
warmth radiates~

but it happens very quickly, undetectably, insidiously
at first subtle and then overt…
that you will lose them
that which inspired you to feel that way~
and attachment ensues.

What you have done is projected all
of the openness that self exists within you
your natural state
onto the face of your lover
and then you have no choice but to feel
fearful, depleted and afraid.

What is the mistake?
ok here it is…
When we fall in love
there is nothing at all that magically enters us
and makes us feel this chemical high
openness and union
the person is merely a prop, a projection
we did it all within ourselves~

and if that’s that case,
It’s logical to surmise that that feeling of being in love
can occur within us
and not be dependent on any gross external stimuli.

In Tantra, we secretly talk about bliss
and subtle life force essences.

Our natural state of our mind, heart and subtle
channels is: open, warm, blissful
It gets covered by thought, speed and years of patterning.
This reconnection is what we long for
the basis of being in love
the basis of
Guru Devotion,
the impetus of the entire
spiritual path.

When we project that which is occurring within us
onto another
our subtle life force energy of bliss
becomes diminished
and we feel “love sick”~
The songs of countless troubadours,
wars fought and lives lost~
all for love.

We make a mistake.
Nothing came into us
Being in love is not dependent
on the object of inspiration
it is self existing within us
our natural state,
not a chemical alteration.

How to liberate?
Reel in the projection
Correct the misperception.
Know that we already are
capable of feeling joy
and union and bliss
just alone~
Never make the mistake of ascribing our warmth
to another again.

If we forget, just take a long, deep breath
of space and
let it fill us up
that’s all we need.

Love all beings
and every moment
from there,
no need for cyber Likes,
confirmation or even a
gross lover
we are already and have always
been in union.

Completely feel what we have temporally forgotten~
all longing subsides.
You are not the reason why I feel in love
you cannot increase or decrease my warmth
it’s all happening inside of me
just me
and no less than,
the whole universe. <3

pale patch of rainbow
peers out from storm clouds

there is never hope
since all will fade~

but there are
moments of


I eat dhal-bhat
in silence
and shocked
by how sweet
a little cut carrot
really is
and the swirl
of red hot sauce
mixed with yogurt
blended delightfully
on a bright
yellow plate

can only come
when you are
not awake to
the blazing
senses of your

I feel whole
but sometimes
I still ponder…

If I stay
I will soon die

So I must die
to live


Image courtesy of: https://industryeats.com/indian-inspired-kitchari-bowl-recipe/

Unplug me from your life draining media
Let me feel the sun on coconut oiled skin
and the scent of tangerines
Let me breathe all of the pain out of every pore
Let me see the glistening sparkle color world
Let my eyes shine again
Let me feel still and listen to the crows and crickets
Let me feel cool water as is moves past my lips
Let me breathe slowly and deeply
Let me feel the dense palace of the body of light
Let me taste the warm salty miso
The fleeting gifts of the earth and sky
Let this life have meaning
Inside is quiet now
And I’m alive again.

To turn the


into the


Without Her~


cannot manifest.



Staff of the Consort

Images of Guru Rinpoche’s most famous consort, Yeshe Tsogyel, depict her also with a khatvanga.  Hers is topped with a vajra.  Standing for the presence of Padmasambhava, it indicates her inseparability from him.


We are

She longed for
in Him

She briskly wakes me
Every morning at 4:30am
Before the sun,
all seems silent

The mind’s eye sees
the electric
phantasmagoria of

Roaring, tinnitus speaks
a warm soliloquy
mother’s arms of
unending space

ultimately comforting
our true face
the delicious creation of
another illusory day.


photo: Soap Bubbles in sunlight
By: Richard Heeks

One small apperceptive being
Comes into a life from nothing
From parents generating warmth
two hands take away the cold
so for one moment they do not feel alone

Family gives the illusion of comfort and security
lamenting to conceal the vacuity
taking on more and more work to sustain
so many forms, so much
and at the end, after so many tears and hardship, all is lost-
and the grief is inconsolable

The most compelling force of nature in this world
we can’t possibly hope to shake it
that is where the Sharavakas went wrong
better to take it as the path

working with this each moment
never leaving the mind, almost obsessed
from a sip of sweet tea, with or without milk
up to the fullness of your lips

Drenched in a blaze of
open, open
Open as wide as you can
Fire stoked without exhausting
Alive like a fish
In sun glistened water

all essences join
in the heart
And from there we love
And really care for others
And can work tirelessly
Out of real, palpable devotion to our Vajra Fathers

Drunk with blessings
We have no other occupation
Than to try to help others
No other care in the world
But to help others

No clinging to friend, consort or form
Open, open, open
Until all karmic traces are burned up

Open, outer space
and inner space are united
This is Mahamudra
The secret most subtle sensuous consort
Who truly quenches all thirst
returning back to the Chöjung
in one lifetime

We have never really left.

And in the mountains silence
I can see
As I watch the sun goes down outside
I am alone
But not lonely

A lamp burns within sun outside, sun inside
I have Five parents
Homage and Honor to
the vastness of space, where I see no self
the wind of breath, where feeling sees the dreamlike deities
the warmth of love, where I remember our teachers, and work to help those who have forgotten
water, my blood, an eternal wellspring to drink, Mamaki
and earth, our bones, the glue that binds all relative form.

Let my child be…
The ability to know how to liberate others
Ease their pain
Directly cutting
So we leave this life
in beauty, breathing out bliss.

Written on Solitary Retreat 25 January 2011, Crestone, Colorado

Photo from balcony of retreat house.